oday we spent much of the day in San Cristobal. The morning was dedicated to learning about the cultivation of cacao in Panama. I was most fascinated by the approach that the people in San Cristobal have to the cultivation and what they use the cacao for. The farm on Cristobal is completely natural and therefore there are no pesticides that are used on the plants. This is because the chemicals will impact the health of the ecosystem. We were able to try the three types of cacao plants and they all were different but all reminded me of a mango flavor. We learned that the three different types of fruits are used in different ways. One for food and candy, one for alcohol, and one for skin cream. I had the opportunity to try grinding cacao beans that will later be made into chocolate products. Following our tour of the farm and lunch, we had a field day with the kids of San Cristobal. We played soccer, played card games, and drew for about three hours. One highlight was a little boy named Eyder who is ten years old and is one of the most loving kids. As we would walk, we would stop so he could write “Te amo-(I love you in english)” in chalk on the ground for others to read. He is a super nice kid and has helped me with my Spanish.
The organization that we work with ensures that we think critically in terms of how we approach service. The main focus for today is the concept of “Paralysis of Enormity” which describes the existential dread felt when trying to tackle and help large systemic problems such as global warming or widespread poverty. Before I go into my thoughts I’d like to tell you about my day.
Time and time again I am challenged by the idea of “Paralysis of Enormity” as there I am often exposed to different sides of already complex problems. This concept has been with me recently but I never had a name for. It is similar to climate anxiety except it is a little more inclusive of other systemic problems. This paralysis is something that I have felt often because I desire a perfect world for everyone and everything while acknowledging that this dream is impossible. I do however think that there are ways we can move towards this dream to make the lives of the many better. To backtrack a little, there was a time in which I felt that the world was doomed because I feel in the media we have seen that we are approaching a point of no return for climate change. When I see this I think to myself how much can we undo hundreds of years of carbon emissions before this fated “doomsday”. It is a regrettable feeling. I am one person with a limited and unknown amount of life left so what really can I do? This question is frequently in mind to this day; however I have come to reject this line of thinking.
This summer I helped teach a survival class. In it, middle-schoolers are taught survival skills and steps of wilderness survival. Mindset is taught to be the most important of the necessities when it comes to survival. Those who freeze, panic, and most importantly give up are the one most likely to struggle. Paralysis of Enormity is similar to feeling you can’t do anything, doesn’t help to change anything. What I believe makes this line of thinking more malignant is that, as a person who is privileged, I am not the one burdened by my inaction, rather it is the vast majority of the world population that is underprivileged. This is what inspires my strong rejection of this line of thinking. It is not to say I don’t empathize with the people that think this way. I still think under this paralysis but I remind myself of my personal goal so I can pull myself out of it.
The reason why I still feel this paralysis still is less because of systemic issues than it is the political landscape in the United States today. I feel that many people have been misinformed but hold onto their beliefs because of the fear of admitting they were wrong as perpetuated by cancel-culture. Some people rather live in ignorance. I get existential at the fact that public opinion may never sway enough to effectively create change for the better. This idea is reinforced in my head when I talk to people who hold different opinions from mine. They tend to become defensive with which I sympathize, but this defensiveness prevents an exchange and growth of ideas. Some people are dismissive or afraid of my ideas because it requires that people acknowledge how they have benefited from their privilege and how they have upheld these systems of privilege in their life. I try to ensure that acknowledging their role within these systems doesn’t make them a bad person. Unfortunately even people I am close with don’t trust me.
In critical conversation, people hold too tightly to their opinions and when the opposition doesn’t concede, they confide in the people who have beliefs similar to their own to affirm these beliefs and thus creating an echochamber. I am not free from guilt and I know how I have been unproductive in conversations by doing this; however I strive to change my actions. This is where I become paralyzed because it is hard to change others’ opinions because of the culture of echo chambers that has come to exist in the political world. To make it more dreadful is, there are no physical or political actions that can be taken to fix it to some extent. The best I and others can do is to put aside our pride and egos and approach everyone with empathy no matter what and hope that there can be some change. I will continue to work on this and I hope those reading will too.